GOOD BYE Head Scarves!!!

WoW. A LOT can change in 10 days! It was ten days ago  (09/15/17) that I posted about my hair growing, and that I thought it would be a few months before I felt comfortable enough going out in public without a head scarf. My hair has thicken up quite a bit since then, and yesterday was the FIRST day I felt confident enough to go out in public without a head covering.

It felt so wonderful!! It felt so nice and COOL as well! I was happy to not have my ears half covered.  I think one of the reasons I was able to do this because my hair is actually long enough now to put a part in it and  have somewhat of a style to it. Even if that style is parted and brushed to the side flat against my head, I'll take it!! It is very hard to brush, and I have to use a (clean) soft bristled Toothbrush in order to make the hair go where I want it. It works though, and doing SOMETHING with  it gave me such a confidence boost!! The growth has really taken off, and I think it will grow even faster and thicker once I finish chemo this week.  It's still thinner on top, but that thinness is decreasing day by day.

I think another thing that helped me be more confident and not look sick is the fact that I drew on my eyebrows, and wore mascara and eyeliner.  Doing up my eyes, even as simple as I did, really made my face appear more normal, and helped me feel good about myself.

I never expected to have hair growth while on chemo, but I have heard it can happen on Taxol, especially weekly Taxol since the weekly infusions are given at a lower dose than the one every three weeks.

As far as the color goes. I used to have medium brown hair before I colored it all the time. Then, I was a redhead from 2002 until I lost my hair this year. Now, I have some white hair but overall it looks like a dark gray. Is that what salt and pepper hair is? I don't know. I actually like the color, but CANNOT WAIT to be a redhead again!!

SO, what a week, no more headscarves, and chemo ending in TWO DAYS!! I really feel like I am turning a corner.

Until next time....

2nd to last Chemo. ONE. MORE. TO. GO!!

This is a pic of the Taxol IV bag of chemo I get every week. I am so excited that I will only get one more of these.  My LAST chemo is NEXT WEEK!!! I cannot even describe how excited I am for this phase to be OVER!!. I am extremely lucky that I was able to get every chemo on time. I have tolerated it very well according to the medical staff. .  While I get homeopathy pains all over my body and have some pain in my fingertips, the numbness has not spread beyond my feet. It can be permanent, but I do hope it goes away. I took a long nap after chemo today. I napped from 2:30 until my girls cam home a little after 3:30. I do that often. Usually on chemo days I am so tired and my head is swimming from the pre-meds of Decadron, a steroid, and Benedryl to prevent allergic reactions to the chemo.  I usually have a hard time talking and forget and slur my words. I definitely can't drive afterwards.  I thank the Gods that my Mom has driven me to chemo EVERY WEEK since my second one!!! Some people have no problems driving, and I don't if I take oral benedryl, but when I get it through my IV, it effects me differently. Plus, it has been so nice to have someone there with me. my brother comes along sometimes too. He was there today. It makes it go so much faster with them being there with me.  

 I saw my oncologist today, and she said she feels shrinkage and softening in my tumor. For most of chemo, i personally haven't found any shrinkage or changes until about a week ago. It does feel a little smaller to me, but the difference is so subtle that I am questioning if it's really smaller or my imagination. I will definitely leave that determination up to technology & the experts.   I will be having an MRI that my surgeon will order after I see her. 


I had my appointment with the cancer genetics counselor yesterday. It was very informative, and easy. I gave a saliva sample for the genetic testing, and results will be back in 1-2 weeks.  The counselor is pretty sure that results will be back before I go see the surgeon on Oct 4th. 


So, things are moving along now. I am eagerly counting down the days until I can stop feeling sluggish, tired, poisoned,  and like my body is betraying me. Soon, I can stop feeling like I'm not even in my own body.  exhausted, in pain, puffy, and seeing someone else in the mirror. Then, it's only a matter of time until I can START feeling energy return, my immune system improve, my metal mouth go away, and my digestive problems fade. In due time my baby hair will begin to grow back faster and thicker, my moon face return to it's normal contours, and the woman staring back at me in the mirror will resemble the Kelly that looked in the mirror six months ago. After chemo, these things may take a while as my body takes time to bounce back from surgery and radiation, but they will happen. I know I wont return to exactly who I was both mentally and physically before my Diagnosis in March. I know that the early menopause via meds or ovary removal, and the years of anti-estrogens I will be on are not without their side-effects, but I will learn to like the new me, and be grateful there IS a new me alive and kicking!!!   ENDING chemo takes me so much closer to a NEW me and a NEW normal that I will love and be grateful for. 


Until next time...

Skype Conversations With my Husband - From finding out, to dealing with the first few chemos. Update on me and my Hair Growth!

Skype Conversations With my Husband

For this blog entry I thought I would share a look into conversations between my husband and I on Skype in the beginning of all this.  The snippets of conversation I am sharing start during the time I Had my first mammogram ever and goes to the day I had my second chemo treatment. It's Exactly two months out of this journey (March 10th, 2017 - May 10th, 2017), and it's two months of my life completely changing.  Since this is a personal conversation, typos, spelling and grammar errors are a-plenty. This is non edited.  After the skype conversations, I also have an update on how I am doing and my HAIR GROWTH!!!

(text appearing in italics are some notes i added in)


03/10/17
Me: Allegheny valley just called me, they are bumping my mammogram up to today, and wanted to know if I want to go now. I said yes, so I am going now. BBL

I am still at citizens. Don't know whats what yet, but the found areas of concern in both breasts and wanted me to have an ultrasound right now..so im waiting for that..

They just did ultrasound..now waiting for doc to read it

Lol.. sorry wasnt ignoring..they had me hop on the table for more images...now i'm waiting again


Ok... what they found is, and I will quote his exact words,  "suspicious for a tumor" and I have to go get a biopsy done at the hospital.. they will call me to schedule it.


The radiologist  said it's not a cyst, which most lumps are.  I am not sure what else it could be so I will do what I have done since January...wait and see...

03/13/17
ME: OK on to my Doc... he is prescribing special high dose vit d pill to take once a week, and vit b12 shots... I will go pick them up at Giant Eagle when they are ready.... he said the mass on my mammogram is a 2cm by 2cm mass  with a Bi-Rad category of 5.... here is info on birads categories, "BI-RADS stands for Breast Imaging Reporting and Data System and was established by the American College of Radiology. If a mammogram is classified into the BI-RADS category 3 it tends to have a very low positive predictive value (less than 2%), meaning the chance of being diagnosed with breast cancer is low.

A BI-RADS category 4 mammogram has a positive predictive value of about 30%. A category 5 mammogram is almost certainly predictive of breast cancer with a positive predictive value of about 95%."

HUSBAND: So...what happens now

ME:  he said they are going to call and set up my biopsy, and go from there. but it's a high percentage that it's cancer. Hey... there is still a 5% chance that it's not :-/  so it's a wait and see for the next steps...If I dont' get a call to schedule th biopsy in a few hours I will call them
I think I am about to have an epic battle, but I'm ready for the fight...whatever it may entail

HUSBAND:  how long has that mass been there

I discovered it in January, the mass is much smaller than it feels... it's only 2cm.  (turns out to be 3cm as confirmed by MRI later)

I wonder how long it's been there.

HUSBAND: let me know the day of your biopsy


ME: I am on phone with them now as a matter fact...its scheduled for Wednesday 10:30 AM

HUSBAND:  will you get disgnosis that day too?


ME: no, from what I read it's typically 1-2 days .. a nurse from radiology is going to call me soon to explain th procedure, so I will ask her that question

03/15/17
 ME: my mom is here.. I'm out & going to my biopsy

ME: Hello, I am home Biopsy went well. It hurt more than I was expecting, and I am sore now, but I am good. I only stopped at the pharmacy drive through on the way home, and didn't go inside giant eagle because I had an ice pack on my boob.  If you would pretty please, I would love if you could stop on the way home and get me coffee for tomorrow, because I am out.  And get your cash out for bowling as well.

they stuck a needle right over the spot where my mass is. they use ultrasound to guide the needle right to the mass... I got to watch, it was very cool to see, and then they take a little wire thing and stick it through the needle and "punch" out pieces of tissue to test. (like a hole punch, I guess.) That's what hurt, when they got near the mass, deep in my breast tissue.
they said no lifting and to take it easy today

I am looking for acetomenephin (Tylenol) in the house, but I don't think we have any. I cannot take ibuprofen or Naprosyn for 3 days after my biopsy (and I can't go in a hot tub for 5 days LOL)



03/16/17

We didn't message much, and we didn't talk about the pending results at all that day. ...  We didn't know that we were teetering on the edge of the abyss ready to fall in. . I was leaning into the abyss just slightly. I pretty much knew what the outcome of the biopsy would be, but I pushed it into the back of my mind often that day, still clinging to hope that it was something else.  There was much on both our minds. We were both nervous as hell, so we talked about lighter subjects.
That afternoon, JUST before 5PM My PCP DR called with my biopsy results. 

It was Cancer. 

Life is changed forever. I now start the fight. 

By the time I got off the phone with the DR, my husband had already left work to come home. I would not call him with the results while he was on the bus. I figured I would wait until he came home to tell him. When he walked in the door I don't remember what I told him exactly, but I remember melting into a puddle in his arms and crying. 



03/17/17 - First full day of my life as a cancer patient.
ME: OK I made my appointments with the breast surgeon, and oncologist. I see the breast surgeon for a consultation on Tuesday (March) 21st at Forbes in Monroeville.. there were no openings in Natrona, as the surgeon doesn't go there everyday. I have an appointment with the oncologist on Thursday the 23rd at the Cancer Center at the hospital in Natrona. S

HUSBAND: ok...do you need somebody to go with you?

I would like you to go with me to Monroeville when I meet w. the surgeon so you can help me get there  (because Monroeville LOL) and make some choices about surgeries, but I can go alone to the oncologist on Thurs.
if you would rather save your days for more important stuff like actual surgeries, or chemo days, then I can maybe ask Mom to come w. me. It's up to you.
Id rather have you there for my first apt though

03/20/17
HUSBAND: should i use this terminology?
I will not be in tomorrow. I need to go with my wife to meet with her oncologist.

ME: Tomorrow is the meeting with the breast surgeon, then Thursday is with the Oncologist but you can use oncologist if you want,  or you can say. Last week, my wife was diagnosed with Breast Cancer, I will not be in tomorrow, I need to go with my wife to meet with her Breast Surgeon. But, I think saying Oncologist would clue them in right away.  Either way would be fine.


HUSBAND: wait..am i going tomorrow or thursday

You are coming with me tomorrow to see the breast surgeon in Monroeville. Mom is coming w. me Thurs to the Oncologist appointment in Natrona

03/22/17
 ME: My MRI and Ultrasound are scheduled for April 4th... That is nearly 2 weeks away.  They tried to get me in for March 31st but the two appointments were THREE hours apart (11 AM and 2PM) I said that wouldn't work,    Then they gave me April 4th, but I would not make it in time because of Abby going to school.... and I said, OK go back to march 31st I will make it work.. the appointment was no longer available within 5 minutes time. THEN she found a time APril 4th that would work.... 10:30 am for the ultrasound, and 11 AM for the MRI....  I have to arrive 30 minutes early , so I have to be there at 10. I will leave here right after abby goes to school to allow plenty of time I am going to see if Jimmy will come w. me.

03/23/17
I got home from the oncologist appointment at 1:00 I ate lunch, and had to schedule another test.  So.. the appointment went very well. This DR is so sweet, she even gave me a hug. Never in my life has a Dr hugged me.  She put me at ease and answered all my questions. I think Chemo first is a good option for me.  It will probably start some time next month. Have to get some test results back, like my MRI, the Ultrasound and an Echocardiogram to check heart health. They may biopsy my lymph nodes if they "light up"  as suspicious  during my MRI/Ultrasound.  My echocardiogram is scheduled for April 5th at 2PM. I can go to that by my self. That is in Natrona.    Dr Miske said that the projected course of therapy will be a combo of two chemo drugs (she gave me info on them) given by infusion into a port once a week every 3 weeks... I will get four doses of that. Then following that,  I will have a different chemo drug put into my port once a week for 12 weeks.  That tentative dosing and medication schedule is based on how the tests come back, and could be tweaked a little w. different meds & dosages.  So we are looking at around 7 months of chemo, hopefully finishing up by Thanksgiving time... then surgery, then anti estrogen therapy to forever suppress my ovaries . She said the chemo may put me into menopause even before the anti estrogen therapy, but I will still need to be on that therapy after.


HUSBAND: ok...you seem more receptive to getting through this today

ME: Yes, this Dr helped alleviate lots of my fears about cardiac issues & infection control as well
they will watch me like a hawk

04/05/17
ok I am off to my appointment for my Echocardiogram. I will be back later <3

I'm back. My echo was good, and my heart is strong enough for chemo. No problems

HUSBAND: Bittersweet

04/07/17
ME: OK Dr Tandin's office called me,  the MRI showed no other areas of concern :-) (they were looking for more cancer in both breasts as well as possible cancer in the lymph nodes. We will not have confirmation for sure that my lymph nodes are clear until I have surgery after chemo) and my port placement is scheduled for Tuesday the 11th..... there is no time set. They call the day before and tell me what time to be there. Unfortunatly the surgery is scheduled in FORBES and I have to have someone take me 'cause I will be under sedation, I will also have to have someone home here to get the kids off to school Tuesday if I have to leave in the early morning... as a last resort, we could always leave them home that day if need be, and jake can watch them.    Now I have to call my oncologist office ant tell them when my port placement is scheduled to see when they want to start chemo... I have to go to Natrona Monday to get pre-op chest xray and blood work done.

HUSBAND: so what days do i need to take off?

ME: I would like if you could take off Tues the 11th for my port placement, I will need someone to drive me and we MAY need someone to get the kids up for school in the AM as well, but I wont knw the time I need to be there until the day before...  but I don't have a day for my first chemo... I wanted you to come to both, but if it's too many days, then maybe MOM can come to my first chemo.....

I have to stop taking multivitamin and ibuprophen as of today...
for surgery
this is where I get irritated . I called the oncologist back after waiting several hours for them to call me.  I left a message for them around 1PM stating that I am getting my port placed on Tuesday, and was instructed to call them to find out when I will be starting chemo...   all they told me was that a message was given to the nurses, and they are waiting on insurance authorization for the chemo.... and that typically that process isn't started till after the port is put in... and that I wont hear back from them today.... NOW I didn't question her, but A: shouldn't they have been working on authorizing this already? B: why does authorization even take so long... it should be a quick phone call to the insurance and THATS IT.... UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


04/10/17
ME: OK I still don't have a surgery time .. They called and asked me a bunch of questions about my health history, and said I have to call a special number between 2:30 and 4 to get my surgery time.  The nurse called from the oncologist office. She says they are still waiting on insurance authorization but wanted to tell me they are starting Chemo next week on Wed or Thursday.. she said she is leaning Thursday at 13:30 am, but can't pencil me in until they get the go-ahead from insurance.  She said they should hear back from insurance today or tomorrow. So, at least I know more now, and she said that I will go the day before for blood work (which I can do myself) I'm glad it will be starting after easter.. she said EAT UP on Sunday.. I said I WILL! LOL


OK I have a surgery time... my surgery is scheduled for 8AM, but we have to be there at....   SIX AM....

can you just quietly carry me to the car when it's time to leave?
I have to take a shower tonight, AND tomorrow AM too



04/13/17
ME: The oncologist just called... everything went through and is approved. I go in Monday to have blood drawn to get my blood count, and chemo starts on Wednesday , my appointment is 10:30 am.  So WED is the day you need off for chemo... the kids go back to school that day, so that works out well.

04/14/17
ME: By the way I slept really good last night, and my whole surgery area is feeling much better :-) on the way to healing.....



so I just got out of the shower, was a little difficult with my shoulder, but I feel so good afterwards. I am about to go prep the chicken to bake. I think I'm gonna skip thos potatoes this time, and just do bake dchicken and potato wedges tonight, easier for a one pan dinner

HUSBAND:  i see you ordered your hats (for chemo)

04/18/17
ME: so here is my hair this morning w. a head band. I like it looking more wild like this than straight. (sent him a pic of my hair. It was cut short the previous day in preperation for chemo)

CHEMO STARTS NEXT DAY 04/19/17 ALSO THE SAME DAY MY GRANDMA PASSES AWAY

04/24/17 (5 DAYS AFTER MY FIRST CHEMO)
ME: I still cannot bring myself to eat fresh peppers or spinach, which is what I usually have w. my breakfast. I am having a plain egg sandwich w. cheese and yogurt for breakfast right now.
and I think I may drink hot tea in the morning, I keep trying to have coffee, but I don't like it anymore

HUBBY: you were ok getting the kids off to school?

ME: Yes, I felt a little dizzy before I ate, but I think I will feel OK soon to maybe go to Aldis and get a few things.  Would do me good to walk around a little... just don't know what healthy stuff to get for me, I am thinking dried fruits and stuff... IDK

again, I cannot thank you enough for what you have done this past week. I know its hard on you, but you took away all my stress of having the house in order. that was one of my biggest worries.
I know we can do this

HUBBY: do you realize the shit you/we went through from WED thru SUN ?

OMG I sure do..

HUBBY::your treatment #1...your grandma...the hail storm...your second treatment( back in  oncology day after chemo to get fluids and meds for sever nausea)...your birthday...the kids and cleanup

ME: I;m actually kinda traumatized and shell shocked this week. all through it you were my rock

05/04/17
HUSBAND:  let me do it over the weekend
:unless you dont want to wait (at this point my hiar was falling  out from the chemo)

 ME: it depends on how much fallout happens today and tomorrow
I will put my hair back or in a beanie when I cook

05/09/17 
HUSBAND: do you have everything that you need ready for tomorrow?

ME:  I do. Mom is coming to get me at 10 AM. My bag is ready to do. I just have to put my pillow in it tomorrow. I have mac and cheese for mom to cook the kids before you get home, and I have pizza rolls for them for Thursday dinner. I bought more turkey, ham swiss and munster chees for sammies for you.
Also mom is coming Thurs morning to take Abby to the bus stop for me.


05/10/17 DAY OF CHEMO CYCLE #2 - AC
Husband: i hope all is well. you should have taken the new graham hancock book with y ou

ME:I have been here for an hour so far. They just finished the nausea meds..next comes the steroids. That would have been a good book to take with me.

Red devil (ac) is done..now the cytoxan is dripping in the iv. I should be here for 1 more hour. I have to come back tomorrow or friday for the Neulasta shot because my white cell count dropped more. Next chemo they are going to send me home with an auto injector

I am home. I feel ok...dizzy  and a fuzzy head. I just took a compazine
Got home at 3

Mom is still here with me. Rowan just got home...liam and abby soon. Mom is going to make the kids dinner at 4:30


_________________________________________________________________________


I hope that was an interesting read to see how things came together during those first two months.

It's pretty amazing to realize that when I was first diagnosed with Breast Cancer it was still WINTER. It snowed the day I went for my Mammogram.  I thought that it would take forever to go through the seasons until Autum arrived, and chemo would be over. Well, here we are. FALL is exactly ONE WEEK from today. I went through ALL of spring and summer, and here we are on the doorstep of another season, the season I was waiting for. It's fitting that I should finish chemo at the start of my absolute favorite season FALL!! I have already put out a few decorations :-) Phase one of cancer treatment is almost DONE, and I cannot contain my excitement!!

I had my weekly chemo two days ago. It was Taxol #10, chemo #14 all together. I have TWO MORE chemo sessions left!!  The taxol has taken it's toll on me though. I'm still having neuropathy, but it's not worse. I still have swelling all over my body, and pains all over. The fatigue has gotten worse, and is overwhelming at times, but I know to take it easy when I feel like this, and most of the time I don't push myself unless absolutely needed.

A new chemo side effect of Gastritis has cropped up with me this past week. It has caused stomach pains that hurt right under my rib cage and sternum. I had loss of appetite, severe GERD especially at night, and lots of burping. I also got full on just a few bites of food, adn the food always felt like it was stuck in my stomach, and not moving along like it should. My Oncologist put me on a liquid medicine called Carafate, and it has helped immensely.

My emotions have been all over the place these past two weeks. It's a combination of the stress of being a cancer patient, and early menopause. I still have not had a period since July. I have officially missed two.

I have an appointment with genetic counseling on Tuesday 09/19/17. They will do a cheek swab and test for the BRCA mutations, and possibly others. I will be sure to update once I know the results of my genetic testing.

My hair continues to grow back while on taxol. I have more in the back and on the sides then I do in the front. I know it will really take off once Taxol is finished.

Here is what my hair looked like in July when I FIRST started noticing growth in between AC and Taxol. It was July 5th, I finished my last AC chemo on June 21st, and I hadn't started the Taxol yet. I was VERY surprised to have ANY growth at ALL.

Here is my hair growth on 7/20

Jumping to August 19th

Here are two pics from yesterday that shows the slower growth on the top an of my head, but hey, I'll take it!

And finally today 09/15/17
I am amazed at the amount of hair growth while still on chemo. I have heard that some people's hair does start to grow back on Taxol, but some remain compeltly bald until the Taxol is finished. As you can see in pictures the Taxol has made my eyebrows and eyelashes pretty scarce.

I am not ready to go without my head scarf yet. I think once it's thick enough where you can't see my scalp, I will start leaving the head scarf behind. I think it's a matter of a few months.


I just can't wait to see this again:

But, I will be happy with what comes in between!!

Well, that's all for today's super long entry. I had a lot to say, and show. Have a great day everyone!

Happy September, I finish CHEMO this month!!!!!!!!

It has been nearly two months since I have last updated my blog. Now we are in the month of September. Summer is almost over, and there is already the chill of fall in the air. It has now been nearly SIX months since I have been diagnosed with cancer. It has been 5 months since I had my port put in. It has been 5 months since I began chemotherapy. It has been 4 months since I have lost all my hair.   I'm still here. I'm still fighting.

In my last update I was still on the dreaded red devil chemo. AC, otherwise knows as Adriamyacin & Cytoxan. I finished my fourth dose of that on 06/21/17. I was so glad to leave AC behind.  It was grueling.  On July 12th , I began a new chemo drug called Taxol. I was amazed at the lack of Nausea. I could eat again!! Food started tasting normal again, and I started to love my coffee again!

This past week I completed taxol dose number 8, chemo number 12, and I have just FOUR MORE DOSES of taxol to go!! woo hoo!! My last chemo session is scheduled Wed, 09/27/17!! I will be so glad to finally be done with this phase of treatment.

Taxol has not been without problems though. A few treatments in, peripheral neuropathy began to set in. It presents as shooting pains throughout my body, numbness in my toes, and some pain in my fingertips. I am grateful there is no numbness in my fingers. Starting this week. my Oncologist lowered my Taxol dose because of the neuropathy.

I have been very fatigued most days, and it takes everything out of me just to complete normal household duties. But I push, and I do, because I must. School started last week, the day after chemo, and it has been difficult to wake up and get the kids ready, but I push, and I do, because I must.

I have been getting swelling all over my body, especially my ankles due to the chemo, so through the day I take rests and elevate my feet on the wonderful recliner my Mom gave me a few weeks ago.

I think my ovaries are shutting down, and in "chemopause". My last period was back in July, on the 9th. My next one was due on August 5th, but it never came. I have gone one full calendar month without a period, and that hasn't happened since I was pregnant. Periods can come back at any time, but due to my age (40) chemopause may transition into full menopause at any time as well.

My Dr's are hoping I go into menopause. My menopausal status will determine the type of drugs I take to prevent cancer recurrence after chemo, surgery and radiation are done .


I have an appointment to see my breast surgeon on Oct 4th to begin the surgery discussion. I know more tests will need to be run to see if the tumor has shrunk, as well as genetic testing. All this information will help determine the type of surgery I get... Lumpectomy, or Mastectomy.  I know if I test positive for the BRCA gene mutation, then I will be having a bilateral mastectomy, and possible ovary removal, as that would greatly increase my chances of a breast cancer recurrence, and ovarian cancer. If I test negative for the BRCA gene mutation, and the tumor has shrunk enough, then we will proceed with the lumpectomy and sentinel node biopsy. If the sentinel node biopsy and the margins of the lumpectomy are all clear, then I move on to radiation.

In other interesting news, my hair began to grow back while on Taxol. It is still thin and short, and sparse. I am not ready to go without a head scarf yet, but I think by Halloween, my hair may be thick enough ...at least I HOPE!

So now, I continue to soldier on through fatigue, aches and pains, swelling, emotional mood swings and weekly blood tests. I see the light at the end of the chmo tunnel, and am so ready to move on to the next phase of my treatment.

Until Next time!

Summer vacation is Here...

It's the first full day of summer vacation. I got to wake up all leisurely, and made coffee. BUT... my chemo sometimes makes my coffee taste bad to me, and this was one of those mornings. So, I downed a glass of milk, and ate breakfast. I felt pangs of sadness this morning because cancer is robbing me of the carefree attitude I usually have that goes along with summer vacation. I still have to contend with chemo all summer, and weekly blood draws. I have to be careful about catching infections from simple things that I normally would not worry about. I have to contend with the extreme fatigue that just comes out of the blue. I felt it yesterday, but today is a little better. That's why I was so happy I felt good on Sat..I treasure those days now, and I just try to get through the ones that are not so good. Here is a pic of me from Sat, when I was feeling more energetic. One day at a time.

I haven't updated in a while. I finished my intense AC chemo dose #3 on Wed 05/31/17. The SE's were not as bad as the first chemo, and about the same as the second chemo. I slept most of Wed,Thurs, and a little on Friday . Sat I was feeling great...still riding high on steroids I am sure. I ate well, we cooked out, and I enjoyed fantastic weather on the back porch w. my husband and kids. Yesterday was a rainy day, and I was tired with bones aching from my Neulasta shot. We managed to still cook out a fantastic bourbon chicken dinner that we tagged teamed. He grilled the chicken, and I made the bourbon sauce. When the chicken was done, we cut it up, put it in a pan with the sauce, simmered for 10 minutes on low, added some corn starch & water to thicken, and served it on buns. It was really good and comforting.

Today I feel physically better, but a little mentally tired. I just baked a cinnamon cake with my daughter, and the house smells really good. My kids really help keep me grounded, I will make it...one day at a time.

I love my children so much!

.
. I want to be here for years and Years for them!!! I want to see them graduate, get married and have kids (If they choose).  I want to comfort them, cook for them, heal them, and enjoy them for YEARS to come. That is what I want. I am grateful for every day I have with them.  These thoughts just went through my mind while having a conversation with my 12 year old son.  I Feel the <3

The Hair Shedding has Started

I am 10 days post my first chemo, and my hair has begun shedding today. I toke up with a tingly and tender scalp this morning. Every pass through of my hand in my hair yields strands of hair. It's not clumps yet.  From what I have read, I know that the hair loss will be rapid from this point forward. When the shedding gets worse in a few days, I will shave it. I haven't showered yet this morning, and I'm a little nervous to see how much hair will come out when I wash it. Besides the hair, I have been feeling great, and pretty normal. I am drinking coffee again this morning with my husband, and it tastes fine. I still have aversions to all the fresh fruits and veggies I was eating before chemo. I am still hydrating well and drinking a lot of water, but I know I need to be eating better, and cut down on my carbs.  My daily walks have stopped because I have been tired, but I really need to push to do them again, as exercise is very important during treatment.  I am nervously anticipating my next round of chemo..just 11 days away. Even though I am nervous about it, I am up for the challenge of better staving off nausea. I want to get some peppermints and ginger candies. before the big day. The second I get home next time I am going to take a compazine even before the nausea starts, and if I feel some creeping in, I will take an ativan. I will use the candies to calm my tummy as well as munch on saltines, ice chips, and drink ginger-ale.

Feeling mostly normal, but not.....

It's been six days since my first AC chemo.  I was dizzy the last 2 days, but I feel better. I still have a cloud of fatigue hanging over me.  My taste buds are messing with me, and I can no longer enjoy my morning cup of coffee.  It just doesn't taste good anymore. I am currently drinking a mug of hot tea, and it's delicious. My first chemo was a pretty traumatic experience for me. I am already fearfully anticipating round two. I need to go into it with a positive mind set. I know it is killing my cancer, but I am so very afraid of the debilitating nausea. I can handle the fatigue, but the nausea was oh so terrible. if I can jsut get the nausea at bay next time, it wont be so bad.

My husband and kids really stepped up and helped so much when I was down and out. I was able to focus on healing and had a very peaceful time. I know I can get through this. I know it's not easy, but I only have THREE more AC chemos to go. I hear the 12 weekly sessions of taxol wont be as brutal.


As far as other side effects, I haven't had mouth sores, but the inside of my mouth feels strange, and smoother than normal. I am not eating as healthy as I did pre chemo, because I want nothing to do with the many high fiber and nutritious fruits and veggies I usually enjoy.  I simply don't want them.  I was craving lots of carbs on steroids, but now I am craving lots of creamy dairy foods. I am still managing to stay well hydrated and drink tons of water.

I go in today for my weekly blood work to check my blood count. Hopefully it's good so I wont have to get the Neulasta shot that can cause lots of bone pain.

I had forgot to mention my hair cit. one week ago, before chemo started my good friend Carrie Cook came over to cut my hair. She is a fantastic hair stylist  and colorist in the Pittsburgh area, and works at a salon called Isle of You Hair Color Studio. Check them out!

I had her give me a really short cut, that I simply Adore!! Short hair isn't really me, but what she did is lessening the blow if it being gone soon. It should start to fall out next week.  This short cut also makes me realize I can rock a short style when it starts growing again.

Here are my before and after shots, as well as some other pics.

Riding the waves of Nausea

 I had my first AC Chemo treatment on Wed 04/19/17

The nurses were wonderful, and made me feel comfortable and at ease with everything. 

It's  been a ROUGH 2 days though. My nausea hit me within hours on the first day.  Even with The  pre meds in my IV for nausea, as well as the  compazine they gave me to take at home didn't help. I could not leave the couch all day and evening, until I went to bed. I could not eat anything at all either.  I DID sleep through the night, and for that I was grateful. 

 I woke up yesterday mildly queasy. I made myself eat a yogurt and some almond for breakfast, especially because i had to take my steroids with food. I tried to eat a banana, but could not. I took my vitamins, but was afraid to take another compazine.   My nausea got worse through the morning. I called my Onc, and they had me come in for more nausea meds through the IV as well as fluids. It made me feel better, but still mildly queasy for the rest of the day. it was manageable though. I spent the day on the couch again, not eating much but some saltines, and trying to stay hydrated.  

By around 10 PM I felt good enough to want some food, but nothing healthy appealed to me.. I wanted what my family had for dinner...  a Taco Bell Taco... that was the ONLY thing that appealed to me. I said a prayer of apology to my intestines, and ate it, and it was soo good!!    

They told me at the onc office to try compazine again if I felt nauseous, and if that doesn't work, they gave me ativan. I asked for an Rx for Zofran, but the Onc didn't want me mixing the Zofran with the pre-meds for nausea that were still in my system. They said they might try that on the weekend if I am still bad, or the next round. 

I think this morning I am coming out of the funk.  Still mildly queasy, so I already took a compazine. Hopefully it will work this time. If not I have the Ativan. I really wish I could try medical cannabis. They passed it and legalized it , but haven't implemented the program in my state yet. They say at the earliest 2018, and I'll be done with chemo by then. 

My husband has been wonderful and has used the past three days of his PTO to stay home with me, and get the kids off to school in the AM. My Mo will help us with my next chemo round. 1 down, 3 to go. I can do this!!!! 

Chemo day is set

My oncologist office called this morning. Insurance approval is all in for chemo. I will be having labs drawn on Monday April 17th.  They will be accessing my port to draw the blood (eek!)
Then, my chemo starts Wed April 19th.  This is really happening. I am so scared, but so ready to fight. My sword is drawn, and my shield is up!

Port Placement Surgery and some pre-blog journal entries

I had my port put in yesterday, but we will get to that in a minute. First, I wanted to share a few journal entries I wrote before deciding to make this blog. They are very disjointed thoughts i jotted down, but wanted to share them here.
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03/25/17

It feels so strange to feel normal knowing there is something inside me that can kill me.

It's going to be a challenge, a challenge I wont say I'm ready for, but I am willing to fight so hard to win. 

I’m googling so many things I never thought I would have to.

03/29/17

Today, I will color my hair for the last time in a long time. . I didn’t expect it, but I got very emotional when walking in to Sally's yesterday to buy it.

04/10/17

Been so busy with preperations, cleaning house, buying new sheets, toothbrushes to change for every chemo session. Busy with testing, MRI's Blood work, X-rays, more Ultrasounds, Echocardiogram, EKG.  Buying over the counter meds to deal with side effects.  Making and taking phone calls all related to my treatment and testing.  Tomorrow I get my port put in, and start chemo next week. Tentative for Thurs the 20^th, as longs as insurance approves (I know they will), but it’s a formality. I keep touching my hair today, knowing it will be gone in 3 weeks (starts to fall out 2 weeks after first treatment) 

Here is my recent hair....

I'm going to miss my hair, but going bald is a small price to pay to save my life. Even knowing that, it's still very emotional. 

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And now on to todays post about my port surgery.......

I had my port installed yesterday.  I spent most of the day waiting to get the twilight anesthesia drugs out of mysystem. I felt pretty woozy till the evening. When I first got home I was nauseous, but a nap helped that immensely. Jim brought my a Gyro, curly fries and an andies milk shake from Arbys last night. He is taking care of me so good. I worry about his emotions through this. I know he is worried, as am I, but his stoicism, and .. “we have to just do it” attitude really help me. Sleeping was rough last night. I couldn’t find a good position where my heavy boobs weren’t pulling at the incision. I ended up sleeping on my non port side with rolled up leggings between my boobs to keep the left port side boob from hanging down and pulling at the incision. I am sore today, and a little swollen, but I know it will heal well. I will eat lots of good for me protein rich foods today.  Now that the port is in things are starting to feel more real than ever. Chemo countdown  - 8 days away. I am scared, but anxious to get this treatment show on the road!!

My Cancer diagnosis story... I thought I was too young.... I wasn't worried....

The median age of diagnosis of breast cancer for women in the U.S. is 62.  Breast cancer is rare in younger women. Fewer than five percent of all breast cancers diagnosed in the U.S. occur in women under 40. I am one of those women. I thought I was too young. I thought that I couldn't possibly be part of that less than 5%. 

At just 39 years and 11 months old, I was diagnosed with Breast cancer on March 16th, 2017.   It was Just a month before my 40th birthday.  I found the lump in January, but I  wasn't worried. I was too young. I knew that 90% of breast lumps turn out to be nothing. I knew that lumps can be due to menstrual changes in the breast, and knew to wait at least one cycle to see if it got smaller, or went away.  My period came and went, and the lump was still there. It was still the same size. It felt pretty big, but I wasn't worried, I knew that 90% or lumps turn out to be nothing. I knew that it must be a cyst or some other benign growth. I began researching all the things it could be, I wasn't worried.  I was too young, but I also knew that sometimes breast cancer CAN and DOES strike those in their 40's and younger.  So, I called my Doctor and made an appointment. 

At my Doctor's office he felt the lump, but he wasn't worried. He repeated the reassuring stat that 90% of breast lumps turn out to be nothing, but just to be sure, he sent me for a mammogram. I still wasn't worried. 

March 10th arrived, and it was a cold late winter day.  I drove in the snow flurries to the imaging center. I got undressed for my first mammogram. This wasn't a routine screening mammogram. It was a diagnostic one, when they look closer at a known lump or problem. I wasn't worried. I read more reassuring stats in pamphlets. 

I got called back for my mammogram, and began the process of getting my boobs squeezed painfully between two plastic plates. It was tolerable, but highly uncomfortable. I thought, OK she will take a few images, and then I will know this is nothing. They will probably sent me for a biopsy because of the lump, they will find a cyst, drain it, and I'll be on my way.   I wasn't worried. 

She took a lot of images. She excused herself, and came back, taking more images. She excused herself again, and came back. She said they would like to do an ultrasound. 

I was a little worried.

They did the ultrasound as I laid on a table in a room that I was in seven years ago getting a pregnancy ultrasound with my Daughter in my belly. 

The woman doing the ultrasound excused herself, then came back in and brought me to the radiologist's office. 

When I walked in the room, he had one of my mammogram images and my ultrasound image in front of him on a big screen. When I saw the mass on the screen, I internally gasped and widened my eyes. It looked like images of cancer that I have seen on-line. I told myself not to worry, that is MUST be something else.  The radiologist got right to the point. He said that I have a 2 cm spiculated mass that is highly suspicious for malignancy. (BIRADS-5). He showed me the ultrasound image and said that this is not fluid filled,  and I need to get a biopsy. 

I was very worried. 

Five days later I was at the hospital getting a biopsy.  

The very next day my Doctor called, and told me I had breast cancer, and just like that I was one of those less that 5% diagnosed under 40. Yes, I do turn 40 this year, but even a diagnosis  in your 40's is considered young for breast cancer.  I know that just because it's rare, doesn't mean it can't happen. So for women at any age, please know your body, and go to the doctor if you find a lump, or anything weird about your breast or underarm area. Even if it's NOTHING, it's better than finding out when it's too late. 

My Doctors don't think it's too late for me.  My cancer is most likely a stage 2. This is still considered highly treatable and early stage.  My tumor is actually 2.9 cm, confirmed by  MRI. It is Estrogen Receptor, and Progesterone Receptor positive (ER+ and PR+ ) and HER2 Negative. (HER2-). I will be having chemotherapy first to shrink the tumor. This is called neoadjuvant (before surgery) chemo.  We are waiting on insurance approval, but my tentative chemo start date is  April 20th. I will have 4 rounds of Adriamycin & Cytoxan (AC) once every three weeks. Then, I will have 12 rounds of Taxol once a week.  After chemo, and if the tumor responded well,  I will have what everyone hopes is a lumpectomy, followed by radiation, then hormone therapy.  MRI and ultrasound has shown no lymph node enlargement, but we wont know for sure about any lymph node involvement until they are checked when I have surgery.  

SO that is the first post on this blog. I have another separate post to put up today with some pre blog journal entries, and an entry on my port placement surgery.